Relationships.

(Credit: XKCD)

I read a lot of online forums where it seems like all the participants are unhappy with their marriages and the few couples who are happy are the ones who elected not to have children. Naturally this is a self-selected group of people, and perhaps does not reflect on society at large (maybe because people who have good marriages are less likely to write about them than the people who are miserable?). But I have to wonder why so many people seem to have been duped into staying with partners they do not like. I suspect that the Disney fairy tale of meeting the "perfect" mate plays a role for many women, and I suspect that many men are pressured into marriage by their girlfriends/families/friends, even when they themselves would perhaps be happier without tying any legal bonds. In some respects I don't blame guys for wanting to stay free as long as possible; the stigma of divorce (even as it is paradoxically so common these days) and the fear of losing most of my income to pay alimony and child support would certainly make me think long and hard about getting married if I was a guy.

I'm not one to discuss my private life in public, but over the years my feelings toward marriage and relationships have changed. As a teenager I assumed I would probably remain single forever, would never have kids, and would be perfectly content providing for myself and going about my life. But, strange and unpredictable things happen, and halfway through college I found myself madly in love with a guy who, for inexplicable reasons, seemed not to mind me baking him chocolate chip cookies and buying him cases of beer. And now, several years later, we are still together and have managed to endure the drama of beginning two medical educations in different cities. It has been difficult at times, even to the point of wondering if we were going to make it, but we've somehow muddled through. The topic of marriage has come up many times in our conversations, and I believe we both envision tying the knot within the next few years, perhaps before I graduate so as to have some leverage when we apply to residency programs.

My teenage self would of course be horrified at this unlikely turn of events. She would probably tell me I sold out, that I had bought into a falsehood, and that I was dooming myself to a life of bickering and misery. Perhaps she is right. However, since my teen years I've spent many long hours pondering the ways of the universe, and I've reasoned that fear of the unknown is a poor excuse for not trying something. So, while it well may be that physicians have a higher divorce rate than the general population, to shy away from what could just as likely be a fulfilling and productive relationship seems silly. If, in the end, things don't work out, then so be it; at least I will not regret missing the experience because of mere uncertainty.